I’ve been best friends with a guy from my church for years, and lately I’ve been interested in him for an actual relationship. I’m going to answer that by talking mostly to the guy in this scenario, so here goes: Rebecca and I were chatting about this question yesterday, and she said an insightful thing: “in marriage you have to deal with personality differences and family of origin differences and differences in expectations, but these can all be overcome if you share two important things: you both love God, and you both feel the relationship comes first.” And she’s right.We went on a few dates, but then out of the blue he told me that he didn’t want to keep seeing me because he doesn’t want a relationship until he’s finished medical school–and he hasn’t even started yet! If you both love God and you both value the relationship, you can work through anything else.
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I am not saying that we are the ones who caused these men’s heartache–as if, had they chosen us instead, they’d be happy now.
I actually think that this idea they both had that school came first was the main cause of their current predicament–not that they lost us in particular.
So let me share my reader’s question, and then I’ll look at it from several angles: the young woman; the young man; and the parents of that young man.
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This is a question that’s rather emotional to me, because both Rebecca and myself dated men who felt this way–and eventually ended it.
Both of us were just starting relationships early in university, and those men, who genuinely liked if not loved us, decided that they didn’t want to pursue a relationship because school was more important.
In retrospect, we’re both glad, even though it hurt horribly at the time, because I got my amazing husband and Rebecca is now in a serious relationship.