Even so, one could argue that these mainstream films reflect the desires of white America, or more to the point, white men, and not Black men, which up to this point is the only group of men I’ve dated.
But with brothers I find, that they, too, have internalized a particular relationship to the body-type most associated with the mammy figure.
They see girls like me as sisters, as homegirls, but not as love options, because they don’t find big girls sexy.
When I look in the mirror, for the most part, I like what I see.
I like my curves, I like ass, I like my legs, I like my boobs (which I only have in abundance, when I’m tipping the scales), and I like my face.
But the fact remains that I’m a short, dark-skinned, fat Black girl, with a natural.
I’m all those things in a culture that not only hates fat, and finds it repulsive, but also in a culture where fat dark-skinned women can only find roles in movies as maids.
So posts like this make folks uncomfortable, often leading to three kinds of reactionary (and unhelpful) comments. Even though we all have insecurities, self-confidence is not my major struggle.
The first will be from those folks who insist that I must really have low self-esteem about my weight and that it must be coming through to the dudes I’m meeting. The only way to live in my body, doing the work I do, is to be confident.
I know that we have huge problems with obesity in Black communities.
But what I call thick and what the average brother calls thick is not the same thing. (Sister looks fabulous, by the way.) Not quite Gabourey Sidibe thick. And when I was doing the online dating thing (I’ve tried it twice, and I’m taking a break) I saw one brother that specifically said, “I’m not into the Mo’Nique thing, ladies.” Translation: No fat girls need apply.
It’s not popular to say (and I’m sure I’ll be e-stoned for saying it anyway), but if you’re overweight and serious about expanding your dating options, it may be worthwhile to shrink your waistline.