There’s a recurring thread I’ve seen lately online, whether it’s in the comments here or in a few of the other forae where I lurk: an increasing sense of desperation for a relationship.As we’re running headlong into the holiday season, it’s only natural for the singletons amongst us to look around at all of the happy couples with a certain level of bitterness and envy. As this goes on, you become increasingly bitter and upset, complaining about the “impossible standards” of others while simultaneously trying to meet or those standards because you know that your life will be incomplete until you find that special someone.
Generally, needy behavior in relationships is an issue of perceived worth and the need for external validation.
There are usually two ways that guys start becoming overly needy.
The first is that they suffer from low self-esteem and have externalized their locus of control.
They’re so consumed with the idea that they are worth so little that they need constant affirmation and praise from others around them.
They have put their self-worth in the hands of others, defining themselves by their relationship to other people.
Needy people often will say that they’re looking for a relationship in order to “complete” them or to find someone who brings “fulfilment” into their lives…
essentially looking for someone to magically bring meaning into their lives and make them whole.
They seek validation from others – in this case, a potential romantic partner – as a way of filling the void within them.
They are focused on their own perceived inadequacies like a laser and can never believe that they have any good points.