Oh, what a wonder it is, as your 19 children barely reach the age of sexual maturity and you set to the task of finding arranged marriage Christian diddle-sex partners for them, so they may each have 19 children of their own! The canceling of the Duggar family reality show on TLC in July left courtships up in the air.
Jill married Meth-Trick Dillard (aka “Derick”), and they did P-in-V buttsex a few times, which ALSO has resulted in a healthy child! There are SIX Duggar spawn who have reached whelping age, actually.
And now they’re off in El Salvador, possibly pretending to do missionary work while they snort coke off each other’s various booby and butt cleavages, ALLEGEDLY! Or maybe they’ve been faking it because EW SEX and everything about their lives is a lie, we don’t know. They get 250 Jesus Points for being the least grossest so far! There’s Jana, who’s actually older than Jill and Jessa, at age 25, but 25 is “barren corpse hag” in Duggar years, so she’s probably out. The Inquisitr snarkily adds, “If he is not in a relationship with Jinger, then he might be interested in her younger sister, Joy-Anna, because October 28 was her 18th birthday.” FRESH DUGGAR MEAT!
Hope the Duggar fans don’t ask for TOO MANY refunds for their “missionary work,” because El Salvador is the funnest, and it’s FAR AWAY from the Sister-Fiddler’s sex-addicted halfway house, in Illinois. There’s Jinger, who the Inquisitr says seemed MIGHTY MIFFED at Josh when he said courtships were a-comin’. But maybe that’s just how all girls look at Josh, especially girls who are privy to how he really is: SOME SAY Jinger is Duggar-boning Lawson Bates from that OTHER reality teevee show with 19 kids, “Bringing Up Bates.” Is that true? And speaking of the “Bringing Up Bates,” the tabloids need us to know Joseph Duggar and Tori Bates are in college together (probably fucking), and little Joy-Anna is BFFs with 17-year-old Carlin Bates (SOOOOO FUCKING). He has apparently been seen around the town with a girl named Laura De Masie!
Anyway, 100 Jesus Points for Jill and Derick, for being less gross than Josh! Let’s just go yes and assume Lawson and Jinger are sittin’ in a tree, reading Bible verses. And the Inquisitr shows us this sexxx tweet he sent a while back: Bravo to Twitterer-Twatterer @Short Canuck for that reply!
When can a Duggar even find the time to enter into a biblically sanctioned courtship involving sidehugs, parental supervision and secret no-holds-barred fucking (RUMOR HAS IT) in the cargo hold of the Duggar family jet?
Josh married Anna, and became a Family Research Council employee who used to diddle his own sisters, but graduated to the much more age-appropriate activity of violently ramming porn stars he rented on the internet!
Also he put some babies in Anna, who may or may not divorce him.
Participation trophy for Josh, for existing, and 10 Jesus Points for Anna!
We don’t know whether those are supposed to be four hands with thumbs up, or whether John David’s “secret” is that his “courtship” is when he holds his hands like that and moves them this way and that, on his penis. Oh and finally — goddammit, how many of these children are there?